Pearl clutching criticism

Winnie-the-walk is the first talker and Molly-the-talk is the third.  They are bitter enemies.  Their dear old friend ‘Old-Mary’ has recently passed away and her dear friends are discussing her passing.  They are all talking about calling to her home to pay their respects where she is laid out before funeral.

Winnie-the-walk (talker 1) :  “I am not wearing curtains on my head!  It’s a beautiful lace arrangement that adorns me.”

Talker 2 : “Who said they were curtains?”

Winnie-the-walk (talker 1) :  “That woman!  Molly-the-talk.  She is going around telling everyone that I am wearing curtains on my head.  I mean did you ever hear anything like that in your life?  Everyone knows that I pride myself on my appearance and wouldn’t be seen dead or alive in anything so ‘day-classay’.”

Talker 2 : “Of course!  You always do your darndest to look your very best.  Its like I always say, we can only do so much with the very little that God bestows upon us and God only knows that when he was bestowing upon you he gave you but very little.”

Winnie-the-walk (talker 1): “I know! I mean, of all the rotten things to say about a body.  And I still trying to come to terms with the loss of my best friend – poor Old Mary – the poor thing.  As God is my witness, I could trawl through this whole wide world of ours and I will never find a kindred spirit like hers…dead or alive – the poor, poor old thing – Old Mary.  Jeez.”

Talker 2: “When exactly did Old Mary die again?”

Winnie-the-walk (talker 1): “Dunno”  She sniffed and shrugged her shoulders while lightly dusting down her coat with her black silken gloves.

Talker 2:  “Well, Molly-the-talk told me that when you and your husband went to pay your respects he helped you rip the curtains down from the windows with Dead Old Mary laid out alongside you in that very room – poor old Mary the poor thing.  Can you imagine?!  You never did!  Did you?”  Her eyes shone with unbridled delight as she greedily waited for an answer. 

Winnie-the-walk (talker 1): “It was Chantilly lace for God’s sake!  I couldn’t leave them behind me.  Jeez!  Why would Dead ol Mary need them now – poor thing?  I mean honestly she wouldn’t have known Chantilly from cheese.  I’m breathing life into them here on my head for Pete’s sake!  Its what she would have wanted – poor thing.”   

Talker 2:   “I know dear.  I know. 

      Lift anything else while you were there?”

Winnie-the-walk (talker 1): “No, but those fabulous pantaloons are still in her drawers.  Holding them up to the light I thought ‘No, I can’t rifle through her drawers, rip out her pantalettes from under her and wear them on my head?  So I stuffed them back in her drawers.  I mean you gotta respect the dead.”

Talker 2:   “Sure, sure!”

Talker 2 meets Molly-the-talk (talker 3)

“Winnie-the-walk walked out with ol deadhead Mary’s curtains on her head.” 

Molly-the-talk (talking head 3): “You don’t say!”

Talker 2: “She’s wearing the curtains.  But the pretty pantaloons are still down in ol Mary’s drawers.”

Molly-the-talk rushes home to her husband (talking head 4) :

“The pantaloons are still up for grabs.  Get your coat!”

by ECC

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